Deep Breath

Yesterday, I took care of some things. Ahem - like paying off all of my fees (books included) for the whole semester. Gasp.

You see, I have been paying a small (more like large) sum of money each month on what is called the deferred payment plan. What they never told me about this plan (sneaky jerks) was that they tack on an extra fee at the end of each month for whatever is yet to be paid. I found out and set out to pay my bill, no longer wanting to be fooled by their scheme to snatch an extra $30 here and there for no good reason.

Unlike everyone else I know, my parents are not paying a penny for this so-called education. Despite this killer detail, I refuse to take out loans. It’s not pride so much as it is fear of being in debt from now on. This I cannot handle. Therefore, I took a huge breath and trudged over to Carrington Hall after the majors fair (to be discussed later).

The lady told me I owed $5,000, and I almost quit college then and there. Then she said it again. Having paid for more than I would have liked to and with the knowledge that scholarships should have helped me out, there was no way I could shell out 5 grand.

Then, thankfully, she realized she was adding (or multiplying) a few numbers incorrectly, and I regained composure. I wrote out the check (sold my soul) to Missouri State and walked out feeling a ginormous burden (or large sum of money) lifted from my shoulders. So what’d I do next? I ran up the five flights of stairs to my dorm room to reward myself with some well-deserved M & M’s and resist from running back to demand my money back.

I don’t care who you are or what you say, without paying for college yourself you will never fully appreciate it. Until your bank account has been wiped out in order for professors to yell at you and throw you out of class, you won’t understand. I don’t care if you have a job, or have to pay for half of it. Until you have to consider the weight of each test and what it may do to your scholarship (and if you can continue to attend said university), you do not have any idea what this amount of money looks like. Until your only views of the mall are from the street as you drive by, and you avoid coffee shops, Wal-marts, and anything other than the campus dining center so you don’t lose a few dollars on something as ridiculous as good food for a change, you do not know what it is like. If your budget for outside spending for things like entertainment or clothing or random objects is more than $20 a month, you don’t get it.

It feels as though someone told you the pool was shallow. So you’re like okay cool, but then you get in it and realize they are all taller than you. They can touch the bottom with ease, unlike you, meaning you are trying to stay with them, all the while gasping for air, waving your arms and legs frantically, barely managing to keep your head out of the water. You do the best you can to however seem as though standing (or sinking) nearby them is as easy for you as for them. So while everyone else only has to worry about things like making friends and overcoming homesickness, they still get to have a really good time without any further worries. I am slowly being drowned into an empty bank account, leading to debt and ramen noodles for the next ten years, all the while trying to have a good time with no worries like everyone else around me.

Don’t you dare tell me it’s all going to be worth it in the end, especially if it wasn’t your penny that saw your through those years that are apparently “the best years of your life”.