Articulations from the Extroverted Introvert

In my film class I have learned more than I ever thought I would learn. Who knew the plot line and story line were nothing alike? The list of movies I’d like to see has multiplied, and I have found a new love of foreign films. I am realizing that I have favorite directors and understanding more of the work that really goes into each and every second of a film.

One of the things we have talked about is the way certain directors do things. Each one typically has a way of doing things with each film sharing similar messages or having common motifs. I began to wonder if it was always intentional or it just naturally happened. There are also an array of deeper meanings we often fail to see. It took me awhile to wrap my brain around this for some reason.

Finally, I realized that I do the same thing with my blogs. Each are unique to the post, but have a common line of thinking. There are motifs that carry throughout them, and also deeper meanings that are hidden or accidental. They say a lot about what I am thinking, but at the same time seem to only scratch the surface.

When a director makes a film it really reflects the kind of things they are thinking and major influences present. It is their creative release that they choose to share with all of us. Having a deeper understanding of it has caused my to find a greater appreciation of film.

Lyrics from Black and White Movie by Janove Ottesen.

Something that is often overlooked is the topic of boundaries. There is a myth floating around out there that suggests that if you are a truly loving person then you must also be self-sacrificing and giving all the time. That is a hideous lie, and no one should have to suffer the guilt trip associated with it. In a perfect world, everyone would be self-sacrificing to a point that you would not be worried about someone else taking advantage of you. We don’t live in a perfect world. Therefore, it is harmful to yourself and the other person to constantly be giving. No one benefits from that kind of relationship, there must be a return.

Don’t mistake the point I am trying to make. In no way should you do things only for reciprocation. Also, understand that there will be times when it will seem more one way than the other. It becomes a problem though when there is no thanks or gratitude for the things you have done. It becomes a problem when you are constantly trying to please others and it is henceforth expected of you to give yourself. This is when you must realize that you are being used

For example, I’m friends with a girl from my political science class. She is super sweet and we get along well. Let’s call her Alicia, because that’s her name. Alicia is a Christian and really genuinely wants to show love to people. Enter Brett, sits in the front row and is a little odd. Brett skips class and often. When the first test came around he suddenly was desperate for notes because the teacher lectures without powerpoint or notes and the test are basically just from that. Alicia graciously offered to e-mail her notes. Test number two, “Alicia, can I still get notes from you?” Test three, “Did you get my e-mail? I need your notes.” Although seemingly gradual, suddenly Alicia is allowing Brett to skip class and all he has to do is ask for all of her notes nicely typed. Does he do anything in return? Is that what love is all about? Because to me, it seems that Brett is no longer learning how to prepare for the tests himself and be responsible for his actions. Alicia hates doing it, but now feels trapped.

This is where boundaries get to come into play. It is not a good idea to close yourself off to the world and say, “Good luck and have fun, but don’t expect anything from me.” Nah, that is not the best option overall (perhaps at times, but only rarely). There should be a balance between how much you are able to give, how much even needs to be given, and the purpose behind all of this giving. Please love people to no end, but don’t act as an enabler to do whatever they please.

If there were no boundaries you would just constantly be walked all over. I think that it is perfectly acceptable to get to a point and claim something of your own. These are my feelings. This is my time. This is my decision. This is my space. You don’t get to share them with me. Please respect me and my boundaries. I still love you, I promise, but understand this is hurting both you and me, not to mention our relationship.

Lyrics from Prophecy by Remy Zero.

Because I am a college student that is up late most nights and probably have a mild case of insomnia I have a pretty good idea of what is on television after 2 a.m. Let me tell you what I absolutely cannot stand - Televangelists that just want your money.

Really? How can they do it? I recently came across one that had printed across the screen you would receive 10 times the blessing if you donated over $2,500. WHAT? What about the poor widow who gave only two small coins and then Jesus said she gave more than the others (Luke 12)? Who is able to say the exact dollar amount that equals more blessing? And how are they okay with doing that?

What really makes me sick is that the camera scans the volunteers handling the phones like any other business would before cutting back to the choir singing an upbeat hymn. Are all of those people behind it too? Where does the money all go?

Correct me if I am wrong, but I do not remember the disciples asking people for money. When asked for money, Peter replied, “Silver and gold I do not have” (Acts 3). These televangelists are shown wearing really nice clothes and on a really cool stage and on television asking for more money. Is this really spreading the good news? If so, then I’ve been doing it all wrong.

I hope that’s not what all people who stay up after 2 a.m. think of Christians.

Lyrics from Money by Pink Floyd.

After years of almost being able to go but then not, it was about time. Wednesday night I attended what for me will be the concert of the year. Ben Folds. Not only did I see Ben Folds, but I was touching the stage the whole time. I had a front row ticket and the very most center seat in the row. All for only $12. Life is good.

He was wonderful and I loved it. I must confess that I was absolutely bummed that he did not play my two favorite songs - Army and Gracie. He played some stuff from Ben Folds Five that was really old and then some songs yet to be released.

Normally I would not consider myself too celebrity crazy. They are all just people anyway. But Ben Folds would be one exception. Was I freaking out every time he looked my way? Heck yes. I swear we made eye contact because really, I was the first person he saw. Also, I yelled out randomly when he was telling a story and he totally turned to me and responded (true story). I know, I know, it’s all crazy and silliness but I was pretty stinkin’ excited.

Did I take illegal pictures? Of course I did, and from the stage at that. Did I buy a t-shirt? Obviously. Did I get an autograph? Sadly no, sorry Clara. Here’s some of the pictures though.

Lyrics from Philosophy by Ben Folds (and I totally heard him sing this one live!)

So, I have been relatively reserved about my love of Missouri State. The truth of the matter is that I don’t love it. Hate it? No, but I do feel like I could get so much more out of my college experience. I’ve felt restless for so long now that it is time for a change. Missouri State was great for what it was (free tuition and a step out of Iowa) but now I must face the facts. It isn’t for me.

Last night I had long conversations with a few different people - a friend down the hall, my boyfriend, and my mom. My friend is transferring next year and has felt many of the same things I’ve felt this past year. We both agree we could have something better. Over the phone I explained all of the things I did not like about this school and how I felt like I was wasting my time and money. Finally, I told my mom how much I wanted to look into something different. Before last night I had hinted every once in a while about the possibility to my mom, but now it’s been made clear.

After a long and quiet online search at schools the past few months and many different thoughts and ideas running through my head I think that I have made a decision. Considering finances and realistically thinking distance-wise my options became narrowed, especially within the last month. Finally it is certain. Next year I will be transferring to Iowa State. I love the size of the school and have looked into some of the programs. The price is reasonable, and it would not be too difficult to transfer. Yes, I’ll be back in Iowa, but that has it’s advantages too. Iowa State has the kind of school spirit and town in which I would rather be. Basically I am super excited and happy with this decision!

Lyrics from Fortunate Fool by Jack Johnson.