This semester I was accepted into the University Ambassadors…aka tour guides. You’d think they would get paid, but no, the joke’s on you - please pay $15 for dues, another $15 for the polo and an additional $35 for the “waterproof” jacket in case of rain (which is does constantly here). Now here is your binder, memorize the contents of all dates and numbers in order to give an excellent tour. And don’t forget - meetings are every other week for an hour! All this just so you can walk backwards around campus with a few families dawdling behind you, complete with ridiculous questions that in the end will have no weight on their decision to attend school here. Kind of a rip-off if you ask me.
Last week I had a shadow tour with the guy who just was voted UA (University Ambassador) of the Year. Seriously, this guy (Chris) is a maniac when it comes to giving tours. He gives one probably every day and the requirement is only once a month. Granted, you do get paid minimum wage (which is much less in Missouri than in Iowa) for extra tours, but still. Afterwards, we had a short discussion about stuff. Essentially, he vented about a bunch of things with his girlfriend and how he hates the idea of greek life.
“So where are you living next year?”
“Oh, um, I’m transferring.”
Just goes to show how easy it is to make it seem like you love a school to ten other people without liking it at all. I never even lied. Really all you have to do is talk about all of the things they have going for them or say factual things with a smile signifying that it’s a good thing. Like the size of the school, or how all of the construction is going on within the next few years - just smile. Make friendly jokes about walking backwards or say something about how fun it is to go from class to class outdoors and in your rainboots. Tell them we have football games and basketball games, but then don’t mention that no one stays past halftime (and really that’s only to hear the band).
Omit the fact that you watch all your friends go home every weekend because there is nothing going on at school. Leave out the details about all of the classrooms you didn’t show on the tour because they are hideously ugly. Forget to mention the fact that if you are without a car, you basically are stuck on campus unless you decide to venture out to Taco Bell down the street. Don’t tell them that no one has school spirit and that on any given day you will most likely see more Mizzou t-shirts than Missouri State ones. No need to tell them that they are coming to the Bible belt, complete with all kinds of crazy religious folks that make you want to throw up. Definitely don’t bother mentioning that you have yet to meet someone who loves it here.
So it at one point was an April Fools joke, but now it looks like it’s coming true. I’m transferring to ISU. The reasons why were pretty well outlined in the post from April 1. I’m kinda thrilled. Sometimes I have my doubts and question myself, but overall I think it really will be the best decision for me next year. That all being said, I am incredibly grateful that I did not start out there. Some of the people I’ve met and things I did get the opportunity to be a part of were wonderful. Still, let’s go Cyclones.
Lyrics from La-Da-Da by Basia Bulat who is amazing and a new fave.
