“Yes, we speak of things that matter, with words that must be said”

Professional behavior. Please define this in a complete sentence: Acting in a manner that exhibits company ideals and best represents the company. No dictionary gave this definition; I suppose a company handbook would have to be the real place to look for professional behavior. It most likely varies from place to place but consists of a bunch of adjectives that exemplify someone of great character.

I have nothing against professional behavior, in fact, I’m rather fond of it in many cases. The problem is that sometimes professional behavior or professionalism have you, is rather vague in nature. Suddenly, you have customers, employees, and supervisors throwing out this phrase that is not specified. Or maybe, they don’t even throw out the phrase, just expect it of you.

For instance, yesterday, I sent an e-mail to my editor at The Daily saying I was too busy to take on any assignments this semester. The reasons I sent an e-mail are numerous. For starters, my main form of contact with my editors have been through e-mail. I had been given an assignment online. If I recall correctly, scheduling an interview and a job offer were both sent through e-mail. All information  ever sent to me about taking photos there were in the form of e-mail. However, within an hour, I was sent an e-mail saying she understood, but my behavior was unprofessional. I should have called at least.

Now, the point of this blog is not really to prove that I was right and she was wrong. My point is merely the irony behind it all. In this particular case, e-mail was the primary form of contact. Why am I suddenly expected to pick up the phone or go into the office? If my behavior was unprofessional, wasn’t hers? In order to tell me I was being unprofessional by e-mailing, she e-mailed me.

Perhaps I was in the wrong. In reality, it wasn’t that big of a deal. I rarely had many assignments last semester so I was hardly a loss to the staff. I have absolutely  no hard feelings toward anyone working there, I just didn’t have enough time. It was just so interesting to me how it played out.

Now that there is such an  overdependence on technology, people are losing face-to-face contact more and more in their daily lives. This gap in between personal and digital relations is becoming increasingly less by the day. Before we know it, corporations will be announcing that they are laying off hundreds of people through a blog. Oh wait. Maybe by turning down assignments via e-mail I was just keeping up with society. I was being trendy.

Lyrics from The Dangling Conversation by Simon & Garfunkel.

“The threat of your love in the headlights”

It’s time to confess – my most recent guilty pleasure has been watching The Bachelor. I caught up on the latest episode online tonight. My mom and sisters apparently have really gotten into it too, which is surprising to me. My mom will get on the phone with me and start chatting about his rose decisions. I have never seen a season of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette before now, but this one has been impressive from some reason. Naturally, he’s pretty cute (honest sidenote: I had a crush on a guy once that has a striking resemblance to him, weird), but the girls are equally intriguing. They all have their own strategies and fears and outstanding qualities. This episode he eliminated one more girl than he needed to, which added a dramatic twist.

Each and every one of the girls eventually crack and let some of their emotions out on the table (some sooner than others of course). While I’m sure they each want to appear to be calm and confident, on the inside they are all about ready to crumble. They have to balance between being interested and allowing themselves to fall for this great guy, while at the same time staying at a level that they will be able to bounce back with. Each week a few more go and they never know when it’s going to be them.

This lack of consistency has to be insane. I can’t imagine their relationship can ever truly grow in a healthy manner. Whoever this bachelor does decide to propose to at the end will have a tough time after all of the fireworks and glamour fade away. That woman will most likely always feel like she can never truly give of herself because they had to literally share him as their relationship developed.

Trust is such a crazy thing. It leaves you wondering if you’ll face rejection or deceit. No one wants to be that girl that feels duped because she was too naive to see what was happening all along. But then on the flip side, blocking out all love and emotion leaves you feeling more empty and unhappy, not to mention sends mixed messages to the one you have all of these feelings for. It’s not only the people on this ridiculous show that have to figure out how to maneuver through this, but everyone to a certain extent. Obviously, this show is an exaggerated example, which is why it is on television. Nonetheless, it is a hard thing to learn, and one that I still don’t have figured out.

Lyrics from Closing In by Imogen Heap

“For the first time in such a long, long time”

Last year when I returned from winter break, my RA gathered all 30 girls on the floor and gave us all a number of announcements and who knows what else for several hours. One of the things she had us do was take a crayon and a piece of paper to make a list of goals. I was annoyed at the elementary idea and wrote ridiculous things down like “play piano” (haha – check) and “smoke more cigars” (oh my – not so much but that’s okay).  (In retrospect, I was not happy in Missouri…now that I go to a school I like, it has become very clear)

While I generally hate the idea of declaring resolutions or goals, I always do it. The thing about resolutions though is that no one keeps them, or at least no one really expects you to keep them. One year I resolved to read my Bible every day and was told within a week by someone at church it wasn’t going to happen. (It did. That’s not a resolution I’d make again because it became a habit instead of a one-on-one learning time with God…however, it should be done every day. Basically, the intention and motivation needs to be in the right place. It became almost a chore at that point in my life – yet still substance that was needed. Now, I’d like to read the Bible every day, but because I  want to and need to read it each and every day. I’ve digressed, anyway, that was a resolution I kept.)

This year, unlike many other years, I’m claiming a resolution and sharing it with the public. It’s one that covers the vast number of improvements I’d like to make on my life. 2009 Resolution: GROW. Okay, so it’s broad. Whatever. This year my goal is to grow each day is some way (other than physically maybe – I’ve haven’t grown in height since eighth grade and I’d really rather not grow width-wise).

To some extent this could mean anything, and I really appreciate flexibility. There are rules though. This growing cannot be obligatory (i.e. reading for school does not count). It cannot be repeated more than two days in a row, however can be done three or four days in one week, it just has to be varied. Or, it can be done every day of the week if I want it to, but then something else needs to be done in addition. Ways of growing include but are not limited to: musically, intellectually, athletically, emotionally, socially, personally, da-da-lly,  da-da-lly, da-da-lly……… The list does not particularly include spiritually mainly because that is a all-time goal for everyday and should be the constant. This growing is separate (well, it could be incorporated), it is an addition to spiritual growth.

How is this growth measured? I’d like to hope that it will be exhibited in a way that is noticeable to others, however it is my measurement of growth that needs to be met and no one else’s. At the end of the day, I plan to spend a little bit of time evaluating my day and figuring out how I’ve grown in that day. It might be worth writing down each day, but then I may be less inclined to keep up with that. We’ll see though. It would be really cool to be able to read each day how I’ve grown.

Lyrics from Brand New Day by Joshua Radin.