It is easy to write something that seems to convincing, so compelling. But what does it mean? Embellish and allow you imagination to soar. Write things that are vague so that they can still hold truth yet be misleading. What are you getting at? Say the casual conversation pieces and add a little of your own opinions. Pretend you understand far more than you do. But why? Write to please others or hurt others. Write to hurt yourself or please yourself.

What is the actual issue at hand? Should it be stated plainly or left untold? Why dance around the dilemma? Why question your intentions? What is what is? How often must this be? Why sit and hold it in? Why pretend?

Lyrics from Cleanse Song by Bright Eyes.

Distant Company
10 feet away in the bookstore they sat
Engrossed in his book, she in hers
Experienced with life and all that it had
Having had earned titles of ma’am and sir

Each wearing watches that’d seen much time
Eyes that struggled to read on their own
His head turned slightly as he moved through each line
Her hair short but carefully combed

How were their lives different than mine
What was it they both knew?
Had they followed the rules or crossed the line?
If I spoke up what would they do?

Her husband came over with his book to buy
He’d come alone, no longer had a wife
Just a Sunday afternoon, fit to recline
Reading, one of the joys in life

How were their lives different than mine
What was it they both knew?
Had they followed the rules or crossed the line?
If I spoke up what would they do?

Blog title lyrics from Your Song from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack.

Although it may be embarrassing to some, I must insist that driving tests are implemented once again after a person reaches the age of 70. While there are possibly some competent drivers over the age of 70, far too many have no idea what they are doing.

Please excuse me if I sound rude. My only purpose is to save the public from death by way of grandmas. My own grandmother would without a doubt lose her license immediately. I just think that at that age some of them have a greater difficulty remembering the rules or checking their blind spots.

A week or two ago I was visiting my grandparents. Conveniently, both sets live in the same town. The first pair that I visited are 82. Grandpa always drives because Grandma realized a long time ago that she couldn’t drive. Grandpa is an excellent driver even in his 80’s. Next I visited set number 2 who are both 72. Grandpa actually drives for a rental car company and returns the cars. I’m not sure if this is a really good idea because he is losing his memory, but at least he can drive. Grandma almost killed us both at least twice in our five minute drive to go get pizza. She drives exceedingly slow, has no idea when someone else is in the lane she wants in, and gets distracted while talking (which, if you think I talk too much, you ain’t seen nothing yet, I’m considered one of the quiet ones on that side of the family).

It’s dangerous to allow these people to drive just because they passed a driving test 60 years ago. There needs to be a better process by which to renew a license. I’m scared for my life.

Lyrics from The Hill by Marketa Irglova.

Respect. One seemingly simple word that is far more complex than we were taught about on Sesame Street. Ever since we were young we’ve been taught to respect our elders. This is apparently done by saying Mr. and Mrs. before their last name unless they have an overriding title such as Dr. or Pastor.

There is more to respect than that. To some extent, respect is earned in the sense that is a great form of admiration. In other regards, respect should be given out of pure decency to another person, a human being like yourself. It is so unbelievably important to respect the thoughts, feelings, and boundaries of others. You owe a certain amount of respect to others.

What is often overlooked is the concept of respecting yourself. Of course, you may have heard about that when learning how to dress modestly or have proper standards. Still, it goes further. Respecting yourself is necessary to maintain healthy relationships, be it with friends, significant others, parents, siblings, teachers, or whomever. It is vital to respect our own thoughts and feelings, instead of always dismissing them. You deserve to respect yourself and be respected by others.

Lyrics from Make a Plan to Love Me by Bright Eyes.

Summer vacation is officially underway. There’s work to be done, skin to be tanned, friends to be seen, food to be tasted, and thoughts to be shared. With summer comes a new world almost as I have returned to the apartment and no longer have internet, cable, or physical space at my disposal. This shall prove interesting as I take two online classes…library anyone? Blogging may become a bit more sporatic for the time being sadly. Perhaps a few unpublished posts will pop up here and there to fill the space. Hopefully this will subdue your eager desire to read my opinions from time to time.

For those of you who have not yet noticed, sometimes I write blogs to have them written. For me I need to write and write to eventually get to something worthwhile. Everyone has different styles of writing. Some write only when they have something worthwhile to say, while others write as much as possible hoping to touch on various meaningful things along the way. I’ve come to realize that it is similar with other art forms like music or actual art work. Creativity is an interesting thing to express.

Recently I’ve begun to express my creativity in a slightly different manner, through song. In no way am I qualified to do so, but it has been something that surprisingly I have enjoyed doing. Maybe one day I’ll spend a little time with garage band or something and record them just for the sake of having them. Until then, I am writing down some thoughts, events, feelings in a different form. Some of them are incredibly personal, but written in a subtle way, while others are almost deceiving in their actual meaning. I’m gaining a better understanding of what it takes to write lyrics and apply them to a tune. Never did I think I’d be writing lyrics, but it’s been fun. Now that my access to the internet is limited for extended periods of time, this is a bit easier to do via notebook.

Lyrics from Paperback Writer by the Beatles.

I am not deserving, but He deserves better.

There is a section in Ephesians that compares a husband and wife to Christ and the church. I am a terrible wife.

Although it is not specifically required of me to read my Bible daily or go to church weekly, it really would be one way to show love. I could show that I care enough about the relationship to go further than a nightly prayer as I fall asleep. My money should be better invested in the church. Just overall time should be given, instead of “fitting Him in” my schedule.

While the passage is often viewed as a way to better understand how to love your spouse, I feel it can be reversed also. Dates are not specifically required, but it is a way to show love. Nightly conversations are fine and even important, but there is so much more to a relationship than just that. Gifts are not a must either, but again is another love language, same goes for time.  You should want to spend time with your spouse, and the same should be for God.

I want people to know that I am in love. I want to show it. More than anything, I want Him to know it too.

Lyrics from Love Song by Jason Morant.

This semester I was accepted into the University Ambassadors…aka tour guides. You’d think they would get paid, but no, the joke’s on you - please pay $15 for dues, another $15 for the polo and an additional $35 for the “waterproof” jacket in case of rain (which is does constantly here). Now here is your binder, memorize the contents of all dates and numbers in order to give an excellent tour. And don’t forget - meetings are every other week for an hour! All this just so you can walk backwards around campus with a few families dawdling behind you, complete with ridiculous questions that in the end will have no weight on their decision to attend school here. Kind of a rip-off if you ask me.

Last week I had a shadow tour with the guy who just was voted UA (University Ambassador) of the Year. Seriously, this guy (Chris) is a maniac when it comes to giving tours. He gives one probably every day and the requirement is only once a month. Granted, you do get paid minimum wage (which is much less in Missouri than in Iowa) for extra tours, but still. Afterwards, we had a short discussion about stuff. Essentially, he vented about a bunch of things with his girlfriend and how he hates the idea of greek life.

“So where are you living next year?”

“Oh, um, I’m transferring.”

Just goes to show how easy it is to make it seem like you love a school to ten other people without liking it at all. I never even lied. Really all you have to do is talk about all of the things they have going for them or say factual things with a smile signifying that it’s a good thing. Like the size of the school, or how all of the construction is going on within the next few years - just smile. Make friendly jokes about walking backwards or say something about how fun it is to go from class to class outdoors and in your rainboots. Tell them we have football games and basketball games, but then don’t mention that no one stays past halftime (and really that’s only to hear the band).

Omit the fact that you watch all your friends go home every weekend because there is nothing going on at school. Leave out the details about all of the classrooms you didn’t show on the tour because they are hideously ugly. Forget to mention the fact that if you are without a car, you basically are stuck on campus unless you decide to venture out to Taco Bell down the street. Don’t tell them that no one has school spirit and that on any given day you will most likely see more Mizzou t-shirts than Missouri State ones. No need to tell them that they are coming to the Bible belt, complete with all kinds of crazy religious folks that make you want to throw up. Definitely don’t bother mentioning that you have yet to meet someone who loves it here.

So it at one point was an April Fools joke, but now it looks like it’s coming true. I’m transferring to ISU. The reasons why were pretty well outlined in the post from April 1. I’m kinda thrilled. Sometimes I have my doubts and question myself, but overall I think it really will be the best decision for me next year. That all being said, I am incredibly grateful that I did not start out there. Some of the people I’ve met and things I did get the opportunity to be a part of were wonderful. Still, let’s go Cyclones.

Lyrics from La-Da-Da by Basia Bulat who is amazing and a new fave.

In my film class I have learned more than I ever thought I would learn. Who knew the plot line and story line were nothing alike? The list of movies I’d like to see has multiplied, and I have found a new love of foreign films. I am realizing that I have favorite directors and understanding more of the work that really goes into each and every second of a film.

One of the things we have talked about is the way certain directors do things. Each one typically has a way of doing things with each film sharing similar messages or having common motifs. I began to wonder if it was always intentional or it just naturally happened. There are also an array of deeper meanings we often fail to see. It took me awhile to wrap my brain around this for some reason.

Finally, I realized that I do the same thing with my blogs. Each are unique to the post, but have a common line of thinking. There are motifs that carry throughout them, and also deeper meanings that are hidden or accidental. They say a lot about what I am thinking, but at the same time seem to only scratch the surface.

When a director makes a film it really reflects the kind of things they are thinking and major influences present. It is their creative release that they choose to share with all of us. Having a deeper understanding of it has caused my to find a greater appreciation of film.

Lyrics from Black and White Movie by Janove Ottesen.

Something that is often overlooked is the topic of boundaries. There is a myth floating around out there that suggests that if you are a truly loving person then you must also be self-sacrificing and giving all the time. That is a hideous lie, and no one should have to suffer the guilt trip associated with it. In a perfect world, everyone would be self-sacrificing to a point that you would not be worried about someone else taking advantage of you. We don’t live in a perfect world. Therefore, it is harmful to yourself and the other person to constantly be giving. No one benefits from that kind of relationship, there must be a return.

Don’t mistake the point I am trying to make. In no way should you do things only for reciprocation. Also, understand that there will be times when it will seem more one way than the other. It becomes a problem though when there is no thanks or gratitude for the things you have done. It becomes a problem when you are constantly trying to please others and it is henceforth expected of you to give yourself. This is when you must realize that you are being used

For example, I’m friends with a girl from my political science class. She is super sweet and we get along well. Let’s call her Alicia, because that’s her name. Alicia is a Christian and really genuinely wants to show love to people. Enter Brett, sits in the front row and is a little odd. Brett skips class and often. When the first test came around he suddenly was desperate for notes because the teacher lectures without powerpoint or notes and the test are basically just from that. Alicia graciously offered to e-mail her notes. Test number two, “Alicia, can I still get notes from you?” Test three, “Did you get my e-mail? I need your notes.” Although seemingly gradual, suddenly Alicia is allowing Brett to skip class and all he has to do is ask for all of her notes nicely typed. Does he do anything in return? Is that what love is all about? Because to me, it seems that Brett is no longer learning how to prepare for the tests himself and be responsible for his actions. Alicia hates doing it, but now feels trapped.

This is where boundaries get to come into play. It is not a good idea to close yourself off to the world and say, “Good luck and have fun, but don’t expect anything from me.” Nah, that is not the best option overall (perhaps at times, but only rarely). There should be a balance between how much you are able to give, how much even needs to be given, and the purpose behind all of this giving. Please love people to no end, but don’t act as an enabler to do whatever they please.

If there were no boundaries you would just constantly be walked all over. I think that it is perfectly acceptable to get to a point and claim something of your own. These are my feelings. This is my time. This is my decision. This is my space. You don’t get to share them with me. Please respect me and my boundaries. I still love you, I promise, but understand this is hurting both you and me, not to mention our relationship.

Lyrics from Prophecy by Remy Zero.

Because I am a college student that is up late most nights and probably have a mild case of insomnia I have a pretty good idea of what is on television after 2 a.m. Let me tell you what I absolutely cannot stand - Televangelists that just want your money.

Really? How can they do it? I recently came across one that had printed across the screen you would receive 10 times the blessing if you donated over $2,500. WHAT? What about the poor widow who gave only two small coins and then Jesus said she gave more than the others (Luke 12)? Who is able to say the exact dollar amount that equals more blessing? And how are they okay with doing that?

What really makes me sick is that the camera scans the volunteers handling the phones like any other business would before cutting back to the choir singing an upbeat hymn. Are all of those people behind it too? Where does the money all go?

Correct me if I am wrong, but I do not remember the disciples asking people for money. When asked for money, Peter replied, “Silver and gold I do not have” (Acts 3). These televangelists are shown wearing really nice clothes and on a really cool stage and on television asking for more money. Is this really spreading the good news? If so, then I’ve been doing it all wrong.

I hope that’s not what all people who stay up after 2 a.m. think of Christians.

Lyrics from Money by Pink Floyd.