Articulations from the Extroverted Introvert

After years of almost being able to go but then not, it was about time. Wednesday night I attended what for me will be the concert of the year. Ben Folds. Not only did I see Ben Folds, but I was touching the stage the whole time. I had a front row ticket and the very most center seat in the row. All for only $12. Life is good.

He was wonderful and I loved it. I must confess that I was absolutely bummed that he did not play my two favorite songs - Army and Gracie. He played some stuff from Ben Folds Five that was really old and then some songs yet to be released.

Normally I would not consider myself too celebrity crazy. They are all just people anyway. But Ben Folds would be one exception. Was I freaking out every time he looked my way? Heck yes. I swear we made eye contact because really, I was the first person he saw. Also, I yelled out randomly when he was telling a story and he totally turned to me and responded (true story). I know, I know, it’s all crazy and silliness but I was pretty stinkin’ excited.

Did I take illegal pictures? Of course I did, and from the stage at that. Did I buy a t-shirt? Obviously. Did I get an autograph? Sadly no, sorry Clara. Here’s some of the pictures though.

Lyrics from Philosophy by Ben Folds (and I totally heard him sing this one live!)

So, I have been relatively reserved about my love of Missouri State. The truth of the matter is that I don’t love it. Hate it? No, but I do feel like I could get so much more out of my college experience. I’ve felt restless for so long now that it is time for a change. Missouri State was great for what it was (free tuition and a step out of Iowa) but now I must face the facts. It isn’t for me.

Last night I had long conversations with a few different people - a friend down the hall, my boyfriend, and my mom. My friend is transferring next year and has felt many of the same things I’ve felt this past year. We both agree we could have something better. Over the phone I explained all of the things I did not like about this school and how I felt like I was wasting my time and money. Finally, I told my mom how much I wanted to look into something different. Before last night I had hinted every once in a while about the possibility to my mom, but now it’s been made clear.

After a long and quiet online search at schools the past few months and many different thoughts and ideas running through my head I think that I have made a decision. Considering finances and realistically thinking distance-wise my options became narrowed, especially within the last month. Finally it is certain. Next year I will be transferring to Iowa State. I love the size of the school and have looked into some of the programs. The price is reasonable, and it would not be too difficult to transfer. Yes, I’ll be back in Iowa, but that has it’s advantages too. Iowa State has the kind of school spirit and town in which I would rather be. Basically I am super excited and happy with this decision!

Lyrics from Fortunate Fool by Jack Johnson.

Something that I continually question is a woman’s role, particularly in the church. In I Corinthians 14 and also in 1 Timothy 2 there are verses that say women should remain silent and are not allowed to speak in church. Various churches approach this very differently. I suppose it all comes down to how literally you approach and interpret the Bible.

1 Timothy 2:11-12 says, “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.” Some churches think this means that women are not to have roles over men in the most literal sense, therefore cannot teach any male over the age of 18, including Sunday school. Seriously? Is this what this verse is supposed to mean? Alright then, let’s backtrack a bit. 1 Timothy 2:9 says, ” I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes” Is this then to be enforced literally? Because if you go into a church it will be almost rare to see a woman without one of those. Why should one verse be emphasized so greatly above the one that is directly before it?

Then there are other churches that really value what women have to say and think it is extremely important to have a different perspective. There are then women leaders and deacons and elders and pastors. Seriously? Does that mean we are going to forgo that verse altogether? Some will argue that the time period in which that was taught women were uneducated and actually sat on a different side than the men. This means that when they had questions they were shouting across the room and being disruptive. These verses were put in Paul and Timothy’s letters to allow the message to be uninterrupted.

Regardless of what the deal is, I would just like to state that I thoroughly appreciate male leadership among the church. For example, the bible study I am in is co-ed (also, it’s through a completely student-led organization=super cool), and it is just so uplifting to see my brothers in Christ taking the initiative to see that there is spiritual growth among the group. In my opinion, there is room for both. Yes, I think women have valuable things to say and should be heard, but I strongly believe that the church needs male leadership. I’ve seen certain men really slack off and leave others to pick up the pieces, while I’ve also seen some of the most amazing men go above and beyond. For this, I am so grateful and will never forget what those men have done for me in times of need. It can set an incredible example and is something I highly value. It makes me feel protected, cared for, and loved. Thank you.

Lyrics from We Belong Together (Tarzan and Jane) by Steven Curtis Chapman.

I think that I love tattoo parlors. Well, at least I like the nice ones. If they hired receptionists I would definitely apply for a summer. There is just something about the atmosphere that is cool. The people that work there usually have dozens of tattoos and crazy piercings, and I find it incredibly interesting. Each of them has a story about the artwork displayed on their bodies. It is something they felt should be there permanently, therefore should have significant meaning.

It is highly unlikely that I will ever get a tattoo. If I did though, it would go on the bottom of my foot (sounds incredibly painful, I know. But really-what tattoo isn’t?). That way I would have a hidden tattoo, but I would not have to get naked in order to prove that I had one. The only thing is that you really can’t do this. Because feet sweat so often and go through so much wear and tear most tattoo artists refuse to do it. Also, it is highly likely that it will be gone within a short time. The amount of nerves that are there, and the lack of loose skin equates to an extremely painful temporary tattoo. So, I’m not going to get a tattoo.

Lyrics from Not Just Words by The Black Heart Procession.

Fight or Flight. That’s what happens right? When you are stressed or overwhelmed? Apparently it is something that has been scientifically tested and there are plenty of studies that back it up. I’m sure you could wikipedia it for more info about what exactly goes on when you have those feelings. Whatever.

Fight or Flight. It’s a common coping mechanism in order to deal with things going on in a person’s life. Sometimes they say women have different hormones and therefore are more likely to be nurturing, which goes into the nature vs. nurture argument. This then leads to the argument of intelligence and that just is not what this blog is about.

Fight or Flight. It’s often shown in animal behaviors, like in penguins. Oh wait, they can’t fly. Shoot, bad example. Alright, robins or something. Who cares…the point is, it happens with animals or birds or something.

Fight or Flight. There is a Grey’s Anatomy about it - season two I believe. Basically it discusses patients and their will to live and then the doctors and their motivation to keep up with their crazy lives. There might also be a Scrubs episode that is similar, but don’t quote me on that one.

Fight or Flight. I have become tired of fighting and have no where to fly. What the heck now?

Lyrics from Still Fighting It by Ben Folds.

Advanced Disclaimer: Far off and distant thoughts below, nothing I plan on rushing into. Waiting for the right timing.

So, this is most certainly a girl thing, but I must say that I cannot wait to have a new last name. Guys don’t really get to join in on the fun based on how our society is, so sorry. (They do however get to hear the sound of possible kid names with the last name attached…for some reason though I don’t think guys appreciate this quite like girls would. And actually, it is apparently becoming slightly more common for men to take the woman’s last name, but whatever - that is not an option for my future husband). Anyway, back to what I was saying - my new last name.

It would be a change, and I appreciate change. Maybe I think this because I have never really liked my last name. A new place in the alphabet and a new sound to my own name. I really want a sweet last name, and I think most of the sweet last names are Indian or Mexican. In kindergarten there was a girl in my class that had the coolest last name - Rocamontez - (spelling is most likely way off) and I was super jealous. Of course I’d never marry a man for his last name, but it is an added bonus, especially if it’s a ridiculously awesome one.

Unfortunately, Carlson is a common enough name that it is entirely possible that I end up marrying someone with the last name of Carlson without being the least bit related to him. (Note to self: avoid all men with that last name just in case). I’d really rather not pull a Eleanor Roosevelt (this was her maiden name as well…hmm).

I’m not sure if it was meant to symbolize this but it kinda gives me hope for a new and fresh beginning. It means you belong to someone else and become different yourself at the same time. A new direction and a declaration of being married to those who knew you before. A new name.

Lyrics from Far Away by Ingrid Michaelson.

Internships. One thing that everyone seems to swear by in the world of college. In my opinion, they are overrated. Explain to me why exactly I should spend a summer to pay my university to work at a company for free. Companies of course love it. Who wouldn’t want people to fight over a position to work for you for free? Sounds perfect - for them.  Internships were created for rich kids who want to get out of manual labor. Who else can afford to pay to work for free all summer?

Lyrics from Absolutely Zero by Jason Mraz.

I realize that it has been awhile since my last post. Perhaps I could blame it on the fact that I went about a month without internet at home and was entirely unmotivated to go to the library. My lack of blogging could possibly be attributed to being busy spending time with various people over the break and then a full load of classes greeting me at the start of the semester. Let’s accuse the weather for my absence. If we wanted to be honest, there is some sort of block prohibiting me from finding things to write about. Suppression is how I handle things and a blogging deficiency could reflect that sometimes. Lastly, my most recent post holds more truth than you could ever know.

If you have not seen it I would suggest you scroll down now. It was written on a bit of a whim but expresses multiple messages about what I have to say and how I feel about so many things in general. It is probably my favorite blog in a long time. We say, write, hear, read, [insert other forms of communication], so much random crap. Does it really matter? Am I wasting my time and yours? What intention do you have when writing pages of essentially nothing? Straight up, what’s the point?

From here my thoughts begin to blend as I continue to ramble. This is not my letter of resignation to the world of blogging. Quite the contrary actually as I have missed it greatly. I want to find out how things are and become they way they are. Why is it that we say ten words when four will do? Is one length better than the other?  Why do we say things while meaning another? How is one to understand the meanings, thoughts, and language of another when they are hardly able to sort through their own?

Lyrics from Bend and Break by Keane.

BLAH BLAH BLAH