“For the first time in such a long, long time”

Last year when I returned from winter break, my RA gathered all 30 girls on the floor and gave us all a number of announcements and who knows what else for several hours. One of the things she had us do was take a crayon and a piece of paper to make a list of goals. I was annoyed at the elementary idea and wrote ridiculous things down like “play piano” (haha – check) and “smoke more cigars” (oh my – not so much but that’s okay).  (In retrospect, I was not happy in Missouri…now that I go to a school I like, it has become very clear)

While I generally hate the idea of declaring resolutions or goals, I always do it. The thing about resolutions though is that no one keeps them, or at least no one really expects you to keep them. One year I resolved to read my Bible every day and was told within a week by someone at church it wasn’t going to happen. (It did. That’s not a resolution I’d make again because it became a habit instead of a one-on-one learning time with God…however, it should be done every day. Basically, the intention and motivation needs to be in the right place. It became almost a chore at that point in my life – yet still substance that was needed. Now, I’d like to read the Bible every day, but because I  want to and need to read it each and every day. I’ve digressed, anyway, that was a resolution I kept.)

This year, unlike many other years, I’m claiming a resolution and sharing it with the public. It’s one that covers the vast number of improvements I’d like to make on my life. 2009 Resolution: GROW. Okay, so it’s broad. Whatever. This year my goal is to grow each day is some way (other than physically maybe – I’ve haven’t grown in height since eighth grade and I’d really rather not grow width-wise).

To some extent this could mean anything, and I really appreciate flexibility. There are rules though. This growing cannot be obligatory (i.e. reading for school does not count). It cannot be repeated more than two days in a row, however can be done three or four days in one week, it just has to be varied. Or, it can be done every day of the week if I want it to, but then something else needs to be done in addition. Ways of growing include but are not limited to: musically, intellectually, athletically, emotionally, socially, personally, da-da-lly,  da-da-lly, da-da-lly……… The list does not particularly include spiritually mainly because that is a all-time goal for everyday and should be the constant. This growing is separate (well, it could be incorporated), it is an addition to spiritual growth.

How is this growth measured? I’d like to hope that it will be exhibited in a way that is noticeable to others, however it is my measurement of growth that needs to be met and no one else’s. At the end of the day, I plan to spend a little bit of time evaluating my day and figuring out how I’ve grown in that day. It might be worth writing down each day, but then I may be less inclined to keep up with that. We’ll see though. It would be really cool to be able to read each day how I’ve grown.

Lyrics from Brand New Day by Joshua Radin.

“I’d like to know about when, when does it all turn around?”

Can knowledge really ever be bestowed upon those younger than yourself? I am not about to claim old age or even wisdom, however, I have learned a few things (at least I hope I have) since junior high. After being with family this past week and watching my cousins and sisters allow themselves  to be consumed by such ridiculous things I wanted to sit them down and explain all that I’ve been able to learn.

Maybe some things do have to be learned by experience. I’m sure people warned me things then that I brushed aside (heck, I’m sure people shake their heads and want to teach me things now…it’s probably something you don’t really grow out of doing). At the same time, if only I could spare them some of those hard-learned lessons.

Let me go broad – is all humanity destined to make the same mistakes and never learn? Because I would love to stop the cycle. I’m not even entirely sure what that would entail, but to begin with, there needs to be more role models. More prayer. More teaching. More examples. More love.

Lyrics from Typical by Mute Math.

“You step a little closer each day”

Thirteen years old, braces, and ugly bangs. You could not pay me enough to return to junior high.  We played MASH and tried to figure out who’d live in a house with ten kids and who’d live in a mansion alone. There was a new boy of interest each day, mainly because I couldn’t get any of them to give me the time of day. There are only a few memories of that time I can consider pleasant. I always knew I would make it out alive, but I did often wonder if everybody else felt the same way I did. If they felt just as ugly and awkward, then why did they have to be so mean and make matters worse?

My way out was high school. I’d dream about being old enough to say I was in high school. Soon, I started gravitating toward people older than me, seemingly more mature than my own peers. While some wore more makeup to feel older I went after something more than what was surface deep and just acted as if I actually were older. My mom always told me I tried to grow up too fast.

Now I find myself in college, planning to graduate a year early and looking toward a possible career paths. I’m not completely sure why I am always looking so far ahead, but I’ve decided it is okay. It’s not that I am without satisfaction or contentment. I’m thrilled that I transferred this year and have been really enjoying various aspects of this year. I think I just want to experience all that life has to offer, meaning that I want to get to it all quicker. I don’t live in the past, nor do I feel any need to hold onto the present. Times will come and go. Striving to reach what’s ahead is how I best approach what’s been given to me.

Lyrics from Cannonball by Damien Rice.

“There’s no need to complicate, our time is short”

Consumerism is something that seems to have recently taken my thoughts by storm. No matter where I turn, it seems to show up. Then again, it is Christmas time after all. With the economy going down, I can’t help but wonder where that leaves those like myself, continuing to further drown in debt with no prospect of getting a well-paid job once I’m through with school. To which I want to turn to the average shopper and encourage them to give (aka buy) a little more this season in order to keep the economy afloat.

This morning, I happened to see a segment on a couple who lived on a dollar a day for food. It was all very interesting, and I decided to read a bit from their blog for further details. I couldn’t decide if it gave me hope that it can be done should our economy completely sink or if it depressed me that some people are already having to look at that as their only option. It makes me tempted to consider living on a much stricter eating budget (although I will admit funds are tight, I do try to allot for adequate meals each day).

I pulled out of one of my gift exchanges with a bunch of girls from high school. I’m trying to use old gift cards to get gifts and go to Goodwill for the rest. If that works out, I’m hoping to pull off spending less than $50 for gifts, which is quite a feat considering those I’m supposed to buy for and the recommended rate for each gift. When and why did it become a necessary gift-giving season?

Although none of this may seem to relate, I find it to be an incredible mixture of thoughts. The world makes it so easy to focus on ridiculous things by being caught up in the sheer perception of importance, and lose track of real meaning. Today at church we read a passage from Mark 4:14-20 about the soil, in which Jesus said, “The farmer sows the word. Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown.”

This just speaks magnitudes about Christians. We’ve heard  the truth, the purpose, and the ultimate meaning of life for years each Sunday morning but suddenly become overtaken by the idea the failing economy, a lackage in tasty food, and constant expectations for things that may even be nice things, but not necessary. Consumerism is a desire for other things, so when that chokes out the word, what good is that? Despite my hope for a healthy economy, what is so much more important is to be fruitful in my walk with Christ. As a Christian, it seems absolutely essential that I live my life in a way that does not depend on materials, including food, in order to set a standard of trusting in God, and only Him to live.

Lyrics from I’m Yours by Jason Mraz.

“There will be food in our mouths”

After months of abandoning this blog, I return to writing. There were many instances in which I thought about writing things, but they never seemed good enough to be the comback blog. I don’t have many excuses for being gone, just haven’t been here I guess.

This week has been a stressful one, but not because of impending finals and papers. No, the reason was something more. The latest Ethos article was released on Wednesday and it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Honestly, I walked out of the room of my first class thinking I was about to vomit due to the stress it has had on me. At the same time, I wouldn’t do things any differently.

Until Wednesday, I was an Ethos staff member. After reading content I was fully unaware would be included in the issue and then writing an intense editorial with my roommates, it became very apparent that I had to quit. The most recent issue contained dirty language and displayed values (or lack thereof) that I am not proud to represent as a staff member including having sex in the library, treating family poorly, and where to get hammered. At that point, I needed to speak up for what I’d like to represent. I was proud to put my name on something that demanded we exemplify something greater than a life of self-indulgence.

Today, that editorial was published in the Daily at Iowa State. When I quit, I forewarned both of my editors of the possibility of this editorial and was told to expect and editorial from them in response. The faculty adviser of the magazine also had a talk with me. What I did was extremely unprofessional, but profession aside, I did what needed to be done from a moral standpoint.

So if you’re feeling the need to read an editorial from three Christian girls that would like to see the average standards of college students to be raised, then go to the Iowa State Daily website and see for yourself. Although I’m nervous of how my editors may come back at me, I am at peace with doing what was absolutely required of me in order to maintain my integrity.

Here’s the link: http://www.iowastatedaily.com/articles/2008/12/11/opinion/letters/doc4941f0d991b3f445367757.txt

Lyrics from Teeth in the Grass by Iron and Wine.

“Look each other in the eye”

In the past 5 years (roughly), internet users have all contributed to a large social experiment of sorts. It is absolutely amazing what can be found today on the internet if you stop to think about it. What I find most interesting is how much information individuals are willing to put up about themselves. How much should we really divulge?

Take for instance Facebook. A well-known and currently popular social networking site that enables account members to show themselves and share information in order to build relationships. It has almost become something relied upon to find out items of interest about our friends, family, and acquaintences. You can see who’s dating who (or who has just broken up for that matter), ongoing conversations of others, and pictures of who does what on the weekends.  I’m not sure just how healthy this is. Think of all the things you’ve learned about others without ever having human contact with them.

There is a communication theory that outlines this problem, but the theory came about in the early 90’s, long before the likes of facebook. It is called the Social Information Processing theory or SIP. Essentially, it addresses the rate and significance of personal information that is relayed over the internet. It is a dangerous thing because it is so easy reveal a great deal on information. There is less thought about the consequences, and more depth shared at an accelerated rate. What will be extremely interesting is the effects of websites like eharmony and match.com. Within the next 20 years there will probably be a great deal of research surrounding those divorces and how SIP played a part in that.

In my opinion, there is an extreme overdependance on internet relations. Before you know it, there will be no privacy. Hopefully, more people will realize how this is potentially hurtful to themselves and others before it is too late. We need to reevaluate the benefits of this online information frenzy.

Lyrics from Say Hello by Rosie Thomas.

“It’s clear it’s happening right now to me”

Yesterday we did that. I work there. In my free time I do this. I’m dating him. I’m learning this. I spend my money there, buying that. I eat this. I like that. I live here. They are my friends. I listen to this. I watch that. 

All decisions we make. The thing is, we get so caught up in doing something if we don’t have that, this, or them we feel we’d be limiting ourselves. We have to have those things. What we often forget is that making those decisions keep us from other things. These very decisions limit us, not the other way around. Sometimes the thing that supposedly furthers us in this life may be the biggest thing stopping us from achieving our goals. 

 

Lyrics from Extra Ordinary Thing by Aqualung.

“Is it bitter or sweet? All depends on your timing”

It is easy to write something that seems to convincing, so compelling. But what does it mean? Embellish and allow you imagination to soar. Write things that are vague so that they can still hold truth yet be misleading. What are you getting at? Say the casual conversation pieces and add a little of your own opinions. Pretend you understand far more than you do. But why? Write to please others or hurt others. Write to hurt yourself or please yourself.

What is the actual issue at hand? Should it be stated plainly or left untold? Why dance around the dilemma? Why question your intentions? What is what is? How often must this be? Why sit and hold it in? Why pretend?

Lyrics from Cleanse Song by Bright Eyes.

“I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words”

Distant Company
10 feet away in the bookstore they sat
Engrossed in his book, she in hers
Experienced with life and all that it had
Having had earned titles of ma’am and sir

Each wearing watches that’d seen much time
Eyes that struggled to read on their own
His head turned slightly as he moved through each line
Her hair short but carefully combed

How were their lives different than mine
What was it they both knew?
Had they followed the rules or crossed the line?
If I spoke up what would they do?

Her husband came over with his book to buy
He’d come alone, no longer had a wife
Just a Sunday afternoon, fit to recline
Reading, one of the joys in life

How were their lives different than mine
What was it they both knew?
Had they followed the rules or crossed the line?
If I spoke up what would they do?

Blog title lyrics from Your Song from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack.

“And I know you can’t do it all”

Although it may be embarrassing to some, I must insist that driving tests are implemented once again after a person reaches the age of 70. While there are possibly some competent drivers over the age of 70, far too many have no idea what they are doing.

Please excuse me if I sound rude. My only purpose is to save the public from death by way of grandmas. My own grandmother would without a doubt lose her license immediately. I just think that at that age some of them have a greater difficulty remembering the rules or checking their blind spots.

A week or two ago I was visiting my grandparents. Conveniently, both sets live in the same town. The first pair that I visited are 82. Grandpa always drives because Grandma realized a long time ago that she couldn’t drive. Grandpa is an excellent driver even in his 80’s. Next I visited set number 2 who are both 72. Grandpa actually drives for a rental car company and returns the cars. I’m not sure if this is a really good idea because he is losing his memory, but at least he can drive. Grandma almost killed us both at least twice in our five minute drive to go get pizza. She drives exceedingly slow, has no idea when someone else is in the lane she wants in, and gets distracted while talking (which, if you think I talk too much, you ain’t seen nothing yet, I’m considered one of the quiet ones on that side of the family).

It’s dangerous to allow these people to drive just because they passed a driving test 60 years ago. There needs to be a better process by which to renew a license. I’m scared for my life.

Lyrics from The Hill by Marketa Irglova.