Introspect verb: to consider one’s own internal state or feelings, to look into or examine (one’s own mind, feelings, etc.)
After almost years of abandonment, yes, I am going to start this blog off with the cheesy and highly overused “quote the dictionary” trick. I haven’t been as committed to this blog in the past few years thanks to a few other adventures – traveling the world and getting married. It seemed they needed a blog of their own. Yesterday though, I glanced through these past “articulations” as I liked to call them and found a part of me that I had lost.
Recently, one of my supervisors referred to me as “introspective” which I’d never heard as a description of myself before then. It took me off guard, and I honestly did have to look it up to truly discover what it meant. Although it was said offhand, I can’t forget it or what it meant to hear it.
Despite the last few “adventure” blogs being a hit with the general public, it leaves me with no place to declare some of those examinations of my mind, feelings, and internal state. Does that mean those blogs are more shallow? Maybe. They were written for an audience, one that I must have deemed unable to handle the random and seemingly complex thoughts I once wrote. Maybe I felt they were too private to share with strangers. Or maybe I just wanted to voice my thoughts consistently, focusing only on one topic at a time. Either way, I stopped sharing some of my personal revelations.
As I am now married and thanks to an overwhelmingly limited amount of PTO, I don’t think a wedding blog or travel blog have much staying power. So what next? Find another topic to pour into? Consider my life and decide what will make the best blog? Revert to this long forgotten blog to record those ambiguous thoughts that occur throughout the day? What am I saying, and who is listening?
I want to convey, reveal, and even “articulate” the observations I make and the realities I discover. I want to write in a way that convinces someone to consider, forces me reflect, and alters any preconceived notions. I want to do what I’m meant to do.
Lyrics from Older Chests by Damien Rice.